I just did something that I have been wanting to do for a while but felt intimidated to.  Yet, sitting in the dining hall with feelings of despair caused me to get right up and do what I wanted to do, which was speak to the trainer about teaching me cleans, deadlifts, and squats.  So happy. I will be even happier after I learn them.


Well it at least feels better the next day to have binged during the day rather than the night.  The binge yesterday did not make me feel that bad and bloated today.

Breakfast was terrible; I had:

2 biscotti
an atkins bar
a few squares of dark chocolate

chicken breast
2 egg whites
scoop of egg salad
a spoonful of ice cream
1 jalapeno popper
coffee w/ half and half

done eating for the day. the end. I have a severe lack of willpower but I am going to exercise the little willpower that I have starting now.

After class I am going to work out.  I want to do an hour of cardio, maybe 30 min elliptical 30 min running outside, and then a back and legs workout.


I was reading about PSMF (protein sparing modified fast) which is basically a way to lose weight fast without sacrificing too much muscle loss and still being able to work out. So on this plan, one consumes 1-1.5 grams of protein per lb of their body. So I would want to have over 130 grams.  This could be 5 cups of cottage cheese per day.

I know this is an irrational, terrible idea which I do not think I should do…. but it is tempting.

Sometimes, people f up. Maybe I can somehow learn from this.


2 biscotti with butter
2.5 atkins bars
protein shake
2 chicken patties
1 burger with half the bun
handful of fries
2 vanilla/choc soft serve ice cream cones
2 scoops of coffee ice cream w/ whipped cream
plate of scrambled eggs & 2 strips of bacon
half a brownie
slice of plain pizza
piece of potato/sausage fritatta
stalk of celery
2 cuts of grilled chicken
some cucumber slices w/ bleu cheese dressing
few forkfulls of steamed spinach
cup of hot chocolate with marshmallows
cup of chocolate milk
handful of kettle chips

I am not even going to count the calories. Yep, problematic.

40 mins elliptical on resistance 15
7 mins stairmaster

I cannot believe I forgot to update for a few days.  Need to do better with food. Had a good workout yesterday.

workout yesterday:

elliptical 30 min resistance 15 @ 8:45 min pace
bench press to failure @ 65 lbs then 90 lbs (did not count reps)
Assisted dips and pull ups to failure
leg press to failure
cable for biceps @ 60 lbs to failure
chest/pec fly to failure (Do not know weight because the machine is unmarked. Had it on the 3rd weight.)
40 squats (unweighted)
ran 5k as fast as I could outside.

I feel sore in a good way today.

food yesterday:

Coffee with milk
small bowl of scrambled eggs with cream cheese
salad (romaine lettuce, a hard boiled egg, some olives, cold cuts, and cheese with vinaigrette dressing)
1 atkins bar
salad (similar to above but no cheese and substitute chicken for cold cuts and egg)
few bites of bbq pulled pork
bowl of broth

drank in the evening and snacked on some tortilla chips and spinach dip. bad, bad.

This brings me to a point on lifestyle changes.  If I want to accomplish my goals (in all areas – health, academic, etc..) then I cannot go out at night anymore.  At all. The end. That is just the way it is. I will go to specific events like movies or dinner or lectures or concerts or meet up to do homework, but not just go out without a purpose. It does not fit in with  my life anymore and I am constantly having to make excuses and allowances for things. This just does not sit right with me. I want to be happy with the things I am doing, not have to make excuses for why I am doing them. So that is that, last night was the last and it is time to completely be the person I want to be.

Food so far –

lunch (no breakfast)
salad with –
romaine and iceburg lettuce
grilled chicken
4 olives
some tangerine slices
green pepper
some sort of curry dressing

coffee with half & half, 2% milk, and 1 splenda

Will calculate calories later, gotta go to class.

I just had coffee with some whole milk and half and half. I estimate this is around 50 calories, making today’s total 1350. Tomorrow I would like to include some cottage cheese in my diet and have a really hard workout.

…for having this blog:

I need to track what I eat or I eat too much. I will also be keeping track of my exercise. Plain and simple. I am not advocating any sort of extreme long term calorie restriction and this should by no means be a model for anyone, I just need to keep myself in check.  For now, my daily allotment of calories is 1,300 because I recently gained a lot of weight that I would rather lose.


Breakfast (9:30 am)
scrambled eggs 210
chocolate soymilk 140
coffee w/ half and half 80

Lunch (2:00 pm)
salad containing…
lettuce 10
green peppers 30
cucumber 40
scoop of tuna salad 300
2 hard boiled eggs 140
cherry tomatoes 25
olives 25
mayonnaise 50
vinegar 0

burger without bun 250

All of this is exactly 1300, meaning I am done eating for the day.  I can have water though of course.  I learned the lesson today not to eat too much for lunch and not to waste calories on things such as soymilk.  Additionally, tuna salad is very high in calories so I could have had something else such as grilled chicken, and had more for the same amount of calories.


30 minutes elliptical on resistance 15 for a total of about 3 miles and 340 calories (or so the machine said).

Additional notes:

I do not believe that 3 meals per day or 3 meals a day and 2 snacks etc is necessary for me.  I view calories as something that can be consumed up to a certain amount per day, and once the allotment is filled that is it (if one is trying to lose weight, which I am).  Today I messed up and had too much for lunch.  I will likely be hungry later and that is just something I will have to deal with by ignoring it and not eating anyway.  There’s always black coffee and water.

Also, as can probably be observed, I stay away from grains. They make me sick and also bloated. I may have some sort of gluten intolerance. I consume my carbohydrates from other sources such as vegetables. I also would like to try staying away from dairy because it causes inflammation.

Being strict with myself now will make me happier later. When I am not strict with myself I make such poor food choices in such large quantities that I immediately feel sick and balloon and this simply cannot happen as I need to concentrate on other areas of my life.